I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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