I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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