He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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