With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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