I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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