tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drink are we having for lunch?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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