Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
