i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Randomize
