were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
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