i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize