went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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