u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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