Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
