i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize