I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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