I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
