Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
