i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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