i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
