you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
