u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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