Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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