You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
