So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
