Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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