And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
