Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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