just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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