Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize