thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
