I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
