I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
