If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
