all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
