actually, I'm a sock model
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
