Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
