you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
