mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
