I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
