we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
