How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
