He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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