Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
His hands were made for my vagina.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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