You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
