Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
sex in a hospital.. check
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
