it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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