Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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