Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
