a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
