just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
