My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
