Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
