dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Fuck appropriateness.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
