Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
