38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Randomize
