she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
