Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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