i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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