alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
