You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
