How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
