Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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