I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
